I love this line in the poem. It reminds me of this tumor. Sitting in a dark space, growing. Quietly, rapidly and with cruel intention. I find myself extremely conflicted this evening. I have surgery tomorrow. I'm extremely anxious to have this over with. And yet, I have a quiet resonance about it. Maybe it's the Cat Stevens I'm listening to. Or all the people who are sending love and light out. Maybe it's the pink nail polish that I just put on my fingers for this surgery. Yes, you did read that right: I painted my nails pink for the surgery. So exactly what did I do today to prepare for tomorrow? Oddly, not what one would think. Jamie (the other half of my Dynamic Duo) and I were doing outreach at the adult bookstores. I bought an almost body-sized pillow (one needs to be extremely comfortable you know), and season 4 of Big Love. I had a Hornsby's. There was no real fuss or preparation. I'm thinking other people have more of a plan. Perhaps that goes along with my life, lack of planning. Maybe I just don't care to have one. I know what's gonna happen. They will cut it out of me. I will heal. There's no other option. No more. No less. Or as Edwina says "Things happen when they happen, so relax."
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Eating the Moon
"I sit down among the chains and the the ropes to talk to the spirit in my beating heart when deep in my dark belly a flame sparks and starts to grow."--D. Hurni
I love this line in the poem. It reminds me of this tumor. Sitting in a dark space, growing. Quietly, rapidly and with cruel intention. I find myself extremely conflicted this evening. I have surgery tomorrow. I'm extremely anxious to have this over with. And yet, I have a quiet resonance about it. Maybe it's the Cat Stevens I'm listening to. Or all the people who are sending love and light out. Maybe it's the pink nail polish that I just put on my fingers for this surgery. Yes, you did read that right: I painted my nails pink for the surgery. So exactly what did I do today to prepare for tomorrow? Oddly, not what one would think. Jamie (the other half of my Dynamic Duo) and I were doing outreach at the adult bookstores. I bought an almost body-sized pillow (one needs to be extremely comfortable you know), and season 4 of Big Love. I had a Hornsby's. There was no real fuss or preparation. I'm thinking other people have more of a plan. Perhaps that goes along with my life, lack of planning. Maybe I just don't care to have one. I know what's gonna happen. They will cut it out of me. I will heal. There's no other option. No more. No less. Or as Edwina says "Things happen when they happen, so relax."
I love this line in the poem. It reminds me of this tumor. Sitting in a dark space, growing. Quietly, rapidly and with cruel intention. I find myself extremely conflicted this evening. I have surgery tomorrow. I'm extremely anxious to have this over with. And yet, I have a quiet resonance about it. Maybe it's the Cat Stevens I'm listening to. Or all the people who are sending love and light out. Maybe it's the pink nail polish that I just put on my fingers for this surgery. Yes, you did read that right: I painted my nails pink for the surgery. So exactly what did I do today to prepare for tomorrow? Oddly, not what one would think. Jamie (the other half of my Dynamic Duo) and I were doing outreach at the adult bookstores. I bought an almost body-sized pillow (one needs to be extremely comfortable you know), and season 4 of Big Love. I had a Hornsby's. There was no real fuss or preparation. I'm thinking other people have more of a plan. Perhaps that goes along with my life, lack of planning. Maybe I just don't care to have one. I know what's gonna happen. They will cut it out of me. I will heal. There's no other option. No more. No less. Or as Edwina says "Things happen when they happen, so relax."
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Good luck in the morning, dear. I will be thinking of you all tonight and tomorrow, and will be there with you in spirit. I love you most dearly. T
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